She said that the comments have given her a better understanding of the seriousness of Elizabeths transgression that deadnaming John is openly bigoted and that she is going to a) tell Elizabeth that her conduct is transphobic and to stop it yesterday and b) check in with John to see how he wants OP to support him. For example, theyve bought into the LGBTQ = sexual predator thing (even those who are fine with gay people) and tend to believe that am overwhelming majority of trans women are actually just men who want an excuse to get into womens locker rooms, restrooms, etc for purposes of committing rape (or at least voyeurism). And some people who Im fine with using it have switched to Rebecca on their own, including my mom, which is also fine. This is too bananas. I certainly grew up being told things like two wrongs dont make a right and Just because she started it doesnt mean you should also do it and variations on that theme. I feel so sorry for John, and I think his handling of it is *chefs kiss*. If you move someplace new, you probably need to mourn the loss of the home you lost. If John and his mother have a good relationship, the excuse of disrespecting his mother falls even more flat. LW, you could say something along the lines of, Lizzy, you do not know Johns mother, so why would you even come up with that as an excuse not to call him by his current name?, Or perhaps more to the point, why would you show respect to a woman youve never met while disrespecting the man in front of you?. Update: I went to my Dad's house with the explicit idea of coming out to him tonight. I love it and John is my hero! Im guessing this was the parents company and Alex moved as a child to Canada? Then his dad had an affair, filed for divorce and was out of his life by the age of 14. Its a good opening to point out her hypocrisy and as ammunition for the HR report. Im glad youve realised this is a bigger problem than youd thought and Im very glad youre going to take a harder line on dealing with it. Gires provides information for trans people, their families and professionals who care for them | 01372 801554. I have a son named John. Or having something get dropped because people are trying to reach Sally, who doesnt work there? Now Im thinking about Daenerys, or Ayla in the horrible last books of the Clan of the Cave Bear series, with all their full names and titles. Then let Mom let her have it! I would get everyone to ignore her or stare blankly and keep asking who she is talking about any time she says Sally. They never thought to change their names, nor thought them ridiculous. Of course, the best way to deal with this is to have a come to Jesus talk with her, but if people wont do that, then this might be something to try to shred her veil of innocence. He doesnt speak to her for obv reasons. SERIOUSLY. WebYour colleagues may, from time to time, mistakenly use the wrong name or pronouns. We dont know! Or if Johns mom isnt (God forbid) supportive, I volunteer to be his stand-in mom and will crowd fund my flight out to his workplace. The thing is, John does not need his mothers support to change his name, and that is teaching Elizabeth that people do. One of our VPs is trans. Im definitely going push back with Lizzys manager, like Alison described, so hopefully hell see that he cant just not say anything and hope the situation goes away. Maiden names (genius btw, genius). With her logic, wouldnt that be the same as disrespecting her own father by giving up the name she was given at birth? And she got the entire office to join in. Does Lizzy take off personal days to protest outside the courthouse when someones getting a legal name change? I cant imagine someone insisting on calling me Becky after I ask them not to, and its so much worse when its dead naming. Right? You have more optimism about deadnaming than I do. Maybe ask John how he prefers you handle it too? It is blatantly false that Lizzy is not harassing John for being trans, because I am certain without even needing to ask that she uses married names, middle names, and nicknames for other people. Why the high desire to tick people off? Id even go as far as to say that theres about a 98% chance that the sex assigned at birth had everything to do with dads contribution and nothing at all with moms. Im in a weirdly similar situation except Im the little sister who came out as trans first. WebAfter figuring out I was trans I waited about 5 days to call my doctor. Yep, came back to post, oops, I mean Lizzie. I would NOT let up on Dizzy Miss Lizzy as long as she kept pulling this mean- spirited, bigoted game. ha. One in five respondents had to come out multiple times a week, and one in ten said they had to come out on a daily basis. You disrespect my child and I will see you chopped into tiny pieces but I might leave it to my kid to do themself, it being their business (and since I know theyre perfectly capable of it). People like ELIZABETH MAIDENNAME really piss me off though. I am the mother of a transgender person. Gosh, typed that too quick. (Figuratively.) As a manager, its part of my job to advocate for my employees, and that means I have to be proactive. However, she has been asked why she keeps doing it and rather than introspection she carts out her respecting his mother excuse. I am sure his mom would feel disrespected that someone is disrespecting her son! John calls Lizzy Lizzy maden name out of respect for Lizzys mother. In the summer of 2013, Aimee Stephens sent her employer a letter explaining she was about to change her life. OP needs to say, every time, His name is John. Your HR is not going to like it, but it becomes much harder for idiot HR to ignore this when you call out a thing that courts have consistently pointed to. If he fears confrontation he doesnt want to have to confront you either! Im a mom with a gay dad, a bi niece, a gay nephew, a trans niece, and a trying to figure it all out daughter. I am concerned that this will really impact your reputation in our arena. My current company is the most inclusive work environment Ive experienced in 3 decades of working. Ex he was born Jack but goes by John. Ive been a bit hesitant to bring this up the ladder because Im not sure how comfortable John would be with that, but I see that this is an issue that should be brought up the ladder. For me, Evelyn has always been a female name. I had a friend that started transitioning a few years ago. Im genuinely curious as to what her new justification would be. Period. Elizabeth Maidenname is harassing him and hes handling it with as much grace as he can. I agree. I dont even think its petty, its a form of protest. Halfway through the letter I immediately thought that John should start calling her by the wrong name. Even if shes forced to call him by his name, Im sure shell be nasty to him in other ways and learn how to hide it better. OP, I dont want to be too harsh on you here since its clear your heart is in the right place, but I have to say, your company is failing John at all levels. BRAVO!! Hes a better person than me because I wouldve started calling her Becky, Karen, or Queen Latifah. His given names ALL came from his dad (his mum was, well I dont know the ins and outs but I gather there were medical and/or post-partum mental health issues, and his dad pretty much steamrollered and registered the birth and names while she was recovering). Please explain how that is different [while I document this], Youre right. By not stopping this immediately they are also sending a message that coworkers can refuse to accept someones sexual identity, orientation, disability, or religion. That much should at least be OPs call. Lizzy would be getting an earful at full volume, consequences be damned. *raises hand* Singer Demi Lovato came out as non-binary on May 19, 2021 on Twitter. Its probably really draining for him to go through this all the time, and having clear support from his direct line manager might mitigate that. In almost every case where someone decides that no, YOU dont get to decide that, I do because I know best- we call that bullying. I would loudly and publicly ask the little bigot why Jim is not disrespecting his mother by going by a nickname. WebA Guide For Supporting Employees Coming Out As Transgender ASSUMPTIONS: An employee is transitioning. OP also mentions that her references to Sally are confusing to other employees because, well, Sally doesnt exist. Asking us about our lives before we grew into ourselves is pretty insensitive. Same. It is incredibly disrespectful. This can include friends, family, a therapist, or a support group. Youre going to lose him if you dont do something very quickly about this transphobic harassment HR is letting happen under their nose. I think it my case, its generally been more of a pattern recognition fail kind of thing. Why is JK Rowling even working in HR? I worked with someone who changed their name when immigrating to the U.S. years ago. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, it's now illegal to fire someone for being gay or trans. This POS needs to be fired pronto. What would you do if Lizzy was using a slur or a well-known racist slight, like calling a black co-worker boy? What Im curious about why did she go digging for past information in the first place? Recognize that trans employees understands themselves and their unique needs best and let them guide and have ownership in the co-creation of a customized Even though Im not in the US and Im about as cishet as they come, I absolutely cheered when the Supreme Court ruling was announced. For all we know he is, has, or soon will be. Lizzy is making an assumption that Johns mother is not fully supportive of his transition, and using that to both wound John more deeply and as a fig leaf for her anti-trans harassment of John. You call people what they want to be called. Of course a tea set was the last thing I wanted or a doll but at least Sandy wasnt getting a Barbie Doll. My first thought, please let her be married. If Gabrielle goes by her middle name Lauren, call her Lauren. I am an older woman who gets to have no fun. LW can maybe *mention* its messing up workflows, but the basis of the disciplinary action has to be Lizzy is harassing John, and we dont tolerate harassment here. Use the Illegal! explanation to get buy-in from the mgmt chain, but I wouldnt even include it in the disciplinary doc. Good for John! What about respect for John? Im betting your thought process here is I cant ask for Lizzy to be disciplined for using the wrong name for John when John is doing the same thing to Lizzy, but theyre not the same thing at all. And I cant stand people like Lizzy Ive known many younger conservatives of one stripe or another who dont think, or act, like she does, and shes the type (one of many, Im afraid) that gives us all a bad name. Ive been on hrt for about 4 months and have been dressing feminine a little longer than that but havent come out to anyone really. trans Creating a framework for trans employees to safely come out at work and experience psychological and emotional safety is vital. out So shes drawn the thinnest possible veil over it and counts on the fact that others are too uncomfortable to point out that everyone can see right through it to the naked bigotry underneath. Ive seen a manager who refused to take a harassment complaint seriously enough disciplined, as well as the harasser. We are 7-year-old children and 70-year-old grandparents. [1] Trans women usually have "she/her" pronouns. In the UK, where I was born, the diminutive of Alexander is Sandy, so of course thats what my parents called me growing up. Many times this. (Although if you want to not like Lizzie until she knocks it off, I support that as well.). Nobody even needs to know if its not actually from his mom. However, people like this make it all about themselves. my new favorite line! Yeah, this is one of the standard things trans people learn to use as pushback against transphobic bigots. It very likely DOES qualify as creating a hostile environment, and that companys legal department would very likely agree! (assuming Johns mom is a decent one who supports her son). I gave them just enough information to make sure there was no confusion and left it at that. Thank you. Your organization is failing John, and you need to do everything you can to fix it, like, yesterday. Honestly, though, I hope someone with a high position and some sense can let Elizabeth Maiden Name go. HR is talking bollocks saying this isnt harassment for being trans and the OP should be making a much bigger fuss at HR and Elizabeths managed to get this stopped right now. By Lizzys logic, she is disrespecting her own mother by preferring to be called a nickname herself. Very good point you are making here. END of story. Yes yes yes! And I respect that. Which by the way is such a stupid excuse; how about whats disrespectful to John? Inappropriate. LIZARD GIRL. Key part: Tell them you are doing this because you do not want to be named as complacent if there is a lawsuit over this because the whole thing seems to be headed to court. I am the mother of two nonbinary children (as well as a son). John could forward OP any inappropriately addressed emails that he receives from Lizzie. Theres something satisfying in bullies getting a taste of their own medicine. Our kids were hyphenated but my husband and I kept our own names. Names MATTER. A good point. You sound very stupid right now.. LW, when HR inevitably tries to tell John he has to call Elizabeth Lizzy, because they will, please do be loud and persistent about their hypocrisy. Thank you for being kind to your students. As a trans guy who is in the midst of a gender and name change at my somewhat conservative workplace, please let me offer my deepest gratitude to this manager advocating for John, to Alison for addressing the issue realistically and compassionately, and to all of you wonderful, thoughtful, and hilarious commenters. Then when he sues the shit out of this crap company you helped set up his case even better than what it is for. Yeah, I have aquaintances whose parents gifted them a new name upon transition, and also even if Johns parents arent that awesome, respect for Johns self always beats respect for his parents wishes. Yeah! And it is insubordination since he has been told to stop. Or have it indirectly, I know the name my parents had picked out for if I was a boy maybe he chose to go by that name and shes actually refusing to call him by a name his parents suggested! My hats off to him on his response to her. This. Malicious compliance is my essence word of the day. While its not as bad as being called predators, its still pretty disgusting. I cope with it well now, but its a lifelong sore spot. I hope you will update us again with some positive news! She shouldnt be given the option to argue her bigotry again. After that, I insisted being called Alex. The people who continue to use that nickname with me despite my explicit request not to, and saying, Thats not my name, is met with laughter and a doubling-down on the usage. Though there is a very handy flow chart to figure out what toys are appropriate for what gender; Ill summarize it here below: Do you operate this toy with the crotch area? I dont know anyone by that name. Even if she points at him or something, they should keep claiming ignorance until she is forced to call him John in order for them to recognize who she is talking about. Who? I wouldnt do it if it impedes your team and their work or success significantly, but Id be absolutely apathetic about whether it affects Lizzie and her team. Shes either saying: When someone tells you what to call them, thats what you call them! If, as you claim, you have any respect for me, I insist that you stop calling my son by any name other than John.
My Husband Has Poor Boundaries,
Ambala To Hisar Bus Timetable Haryana Roadways,
Articles M